Ending the Cycle of Abuse in Sport. Seeing Something Saying Something Looks Like This.
How to hold stakeholders accountable and start giving sport back to kids.
Last week’s edition of The Physical Movement shared a Ted Talk on why and how to give sport back to kids. Part of the 3 point takeaway includes point #2 : See Something Say Something.
See what? Say what? Let’s dig in:
It applies to all stakeholders. For things to get better, the accountability matrix needs to spin 360 degrees. Coaches holding their players accountable. Young athletes speaking out when something does not sound right (this is very difficult due to the power imbalance). Coaches on coaches, parents on parents and on coach accountability.
See something say something. If it does not sound or look right, it probably is not right, and not speaking up is no longer an option.
Parents holding their kids accountable, athletes holding parents, athletes and coaches holding officials and volunteers accountable. Officials and volunteers holding coaches and athletes accountable. An environment of accountability opens the door to setting the standard of what is acceptable and what is not. It opens the door to a culture of identifying what is not acceptable and speaking up.
Accountability to what exactly? Abuse. Verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
The examples run deep and occur often. So often, that what is outlined below is based on the frequency of abusive behavioral patterns primarily by coaches over time. The consequences can impact lives in the most drastic way.
In the summer of 2021 in mid pandemic, I witnessed a baseball official (umpire) call a player a very insulting term for the way he was wearing his uniform. Would not be acceptable in any other walk of life, and it is a form of abuse. This occurred in a under 22 league, where most of the people on the field were legally adult. Who speaks up in that situation? Is it just part of the game? Is this some sort of abuse? If it made the athlete feel less than good about themselves, then this is out of line.
What does abuse in sport look like exactly?
Many of us would and could identify physical abuse. Hopefully, we would speak up if ever faced with a situation where someone was physically abusing someone else. In sport, the form of abuse is often much more subtle. Emotional abuse could be very visible (overt) or hidden (covert). Abuse can be physical, but it can also be verbal or emotional.
This is where we bring in an expert. Dr. Amy Saltzman is a holistic physician, mindfulness coach, and long-time athlete. Author of multiple books, Dr. Saltzman’s passion is working with athletes of all ages and abilities, including youth athletes, D1 athletes (including an athlete suffering from multiple injuries who went on to become an NCAA Division 1 MVP), and multiple national champions. She has shared mindfulness strategies and programs with university teams and athletic departments.
Dr. Saltzman published a detailed paper in the fall of 2021, outlining and identifying patterns of abusive behavior in sport, while documenting suggestions solutions. The below is referencing Dr. Saltzman’s paper.1
Abuse covers all types of cruelty, manipulation, and harm inflicted on another person, whether that harm leaves physical scars or not.
An inherent imbalance of power exists between a coach and an athlete. An athlete trusts the coach to use their power wisely and to make the athlete’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being the absolute highest priority.
Unlike overt emotional abuse (which involves yelling and screaming), covert emotional abuse is almost invisible and extremely hard to detect. The covertly abusive coach employs very subtle methods: exploiting the athlete’s desire to excel, making little comments that create doubt and fear, invalidating an athlete’s experience and concerns, and denying that the coach said or did something, thus creating more doubt.
Renee Thomas, a brave former UC Berkeley soccer player who spoke out against coach Neil McGuire captures the subtlety of covert emotional abuse. “It wasn’t an issue of a yeller it was emotional and mental abuse because he treated some girls so poorly they started becoming depressed and mentally not stable.”
According to Dr. Amy Saltzman, the covert emotionally abusive coach weaves three primary behaviors to create the web of covert emotional abuse— tangling feelings of specialness and fear, controlling the environment, and distorting the truth.
Tangling feelings of specialness and fear in an abusive coach includes
1. spinning a trap of specialness and creates the feeling of being the “chosen one”,
2. Lacks clear healthy boundaries,
3. cultivates fear, shame, self-blame, self-doubt, and dependency.
4. Alternates “love bombing” and shaming.
5. Instills a desperate desire for success and approval, and
6. Evokes intense intertwined fears.
Controlling the Environment plays itself out with an abusing coach by
1. Demands Compliance and Asserts an “Infallible” Authority,
2. Demonizes those who raise concerns and demands that supporters shun them,
3. Has a tight inner circle of “yes people”.
4. Refuses to be observed and evades independent oversight.
An emotionally abusive coach distorts the truth by lying, and compels athletes and staff to lie, ultimately creating an environment where truth and lies are transposed. The following are often typical of this:
1. Coerces secrets and false Confessions; gossips and lies.
2. Required silence and lying,
3. Plays the victim and is a master of DENIAL!!!!!
4. all of this of course messes with the athletes head.
How does the healing start?
According to many experts, it starts with believing the athlete as a first step, getting some help to start abuse rehab and plan out return to play.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
A proactive foundation on dealing with abuse in a sport setting , or any setting for that matter, starts with prevention. Education, accountability, awareness
Specifically. every sport organization must include operating procedures around identifying, reporting and dealing with abusive situations.
1. Educate all stakeholders, including parents, volunteers, athletes and staff.
i. Provide examples. Unfortunately, there is now enough of them as a way to identify patterns
ii. Teach how to spot a situation that does not look or feel right.
iii. Ask athletes consistently how feeling and develop clear and direct language.
2. Heal athletes
3. Screen, heal and train coaches and staff.
4. Create culture of accountability
5. Use legal measures where necessary