Learning From Parents Who Have Successfully Guided Their Kids Through All Levels of Sport.

Youth sport provides a platform and training ground for personal development. Despite the stories of the negative sports parents, there are also some positive ones. Today we focus on the positive.

Jan 10, 2021

Every Sunday I publish and deliver an a free email on leadership and human performance called The Physical Movement. While the intent was to create a resource for coaches, athletes and parents, it has generated interest from all walks of life. Thank you.

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Welcome to the 2nd Sunday of 2021, and edition 34 of The Physical Movement. In dealing with all of the challenges we have around us, it is important to be reminded of all the good that come from youth sports.

As parents and coaches, having a high standard to shoot for helps in setting our path to our own contributions.

Lead by example
Lots of encouragement. “Praise is the breakfast of champions”.
Use negative situations to teach life lessons.
Expose kids to as many options, activities and interests as possible.
Let the kids find their passion. Guide them to finding their calling.
Guide the kids to be good people and the rest will take care of itself.
Let kids be kids. Don’t get too far ahead of them being kids as that time is short.
Make activity time fun for the kids. They should enjoy going to practice or games. That time with parents should be fun.
De-emphasize winning in the early years, focus on all around development.
Know when to get out of the way and have the kids start figuring out things for themselves.
As our kids get older, we need to grow our parenting skills.
Spend time with your kids.
Strive to have the kids believe in their potential. Regardless of their interests.
Encourage your kids to dream.
Expose kids to experiences that will teach them to overcome obstacles.

These 15 points are a fantastic guide on what we would hope our kids could get from participating in youth sports.

How realistic are they ? How often are these considered?

These 15 points were taken from 3 sets of parents who have used sports participation as a guide in developing their kids. Back to that in a minute.

As parents, we want the best for our kids.

We want them to be good people. We want them to do well. We don’t want them hurt.

Wanting the best for our young athletes can be a challenging road to navigate. We want them to do well and have fun, but we do not want them upset or disappointed. The world sports is unpredictable. There are very few certainties, other than there is only 1 winner on any given day and very few play anything past high school.

In 2021, “supporting” your young athlete means different things to different people. Often it ends up being too much. Too much pushing, coaching, criticism, second guessing and frustration.

Perspective becomes the first guide in backing up and asking ourselves “what are we trying to accomplish with our kids playing sports? “

Early childhood common themes and intentions can include:

· Having fun.

· Trying new experiences.

· Creating Positive experiences.

Too often the early experience includes tryouts, criticism, pressure to perform and lack of playing time.

If there is no fun to be had, and the experience is not positive, often the interest stops. However, if the experience is good, then our young athletes start to show more interest and that opens a door.

The benefits then can evolve to:

· Learning life lessons such as working towards a goal.

· Collaborating with others.

· Caring for their physical and mental selves.

· Dealing with unanticipated situations?

It starts at a young age by exposing them to different experiences, doesn’t it? If our child does not like a particular activity, are they asked to continue? What if they don’t like your favorite sport? Were they given a choice? Did they try something different?

As our kids get older, the competition can become stronger and many aspire to play later in their youth. Scholarships and aspirations for higher levels of competition grow.

This is where the role of parents can take different turns. Parental involvement in youth sports has become very controversial over the last 20 years. There was a time when parents speaking to coaches about playing time and moving kids around for tryouts to different municipalities never happened. Today, it is more common than ever.

While we have athlete development camps and coaching clinics, parents don’t have a blueprint on being the best versions of themselves in support of their kids’ activities.

Organizations have tried to guide parental behavior by having families sign codes of conduct at the beginning of each year. While this may help, it does not address the fundamental issues of negative interference.

With that in mind, The Physical Movement edition 34 explores what we can learn from parents of successful athletes.

What are the qualities we admire in athletes and athletic performance?

If we look at those athletes that are admired in different sports, we find that not only do they have the physical and mental ability to perform at a high level but they are also fine human beings outside the field of play.

Giving back to the communities in which they live and contributing to the greater good are part of what can be considered, not just a successful athlete, but a good person.

We started this article with 15 points of reference that were taken from 3 families who raised athletes.

The Nash Family

John and Jean Nash raised 3 kids, all of whom went on to outstanding careers in athletics and beyond. Son Martin played professional soccer for 15 years and represented Canada, and Joann captained the University of Victoria women’s soccer team. Their most famous son Steve played professional basketball in the NBA for 18 years, was league MVP twice, and an all star 7 times and now coaches the New Jersey Nets. Steve Nash however, is more than an athlete. He is a filmmaker, entrepreneur and activist. He embodies the qualities what many of us would love to see in our kids. Determined, persistent, strong work ethic with talents and skills across multiple disciplines.

Lead by example. Support them. Praise and expose them to as many things as possible. Use negative experiences as life lessons were all part of the environment in which Steve and his siblings were raised. I don’t think we can argue with the outcome.

Photo courtesy of and more information at Stevenash.org

The Subban Family

Karl Subban raised 3 sons who went on to play pro hockey along with 2 siblings who are leaders in education. He wrote a book because the most asked question he received was “how did he do it?”. Encouraging kids to dream, show them how to overcome obstacles, have them believe in their potential and find their true calling were all part of the path that he and his wife tried to follow in raising their kids. They never set out to create hockey players, they wanted kids who would be good people.

Of note, that one of Karl’s kids created a massive impact off the ice in the community of Montreal early in his professional career. Details here. This is the kind of well rounded person who seeks causes greater than themselves that we can all use as inspiration.

The Trout Family

Mike Trout was considered a Hall of Fame professional baseball player after his first 6 or 7 years in the Major Leagues, an unheard of start to his career. Heading into 2021 season, Trout has won MVP of the league 3 times and is an 8 time all star. He is a generational player with physical talents that are only matched by his work ethic and humility.

Trout grew up in New Jersey and has stayed close to his roots throughout his professional success. When you observe from the outside, you would think that all is roses for Mike. But he has had his share of challenges, his most recent one being the death by suicide of his best friend and brother in law in 2018.

Mike Trout’s Mom and Dad has some interesting advice on raising young athletes. In the below interview, they speak of teaching and guiding our kids to be good people. They speak of guiding the kids to be well rounded, lettings kids be kids and finding their passion

While some may say that the Trouts, Subbans and Nashs are exceptions to the rule, that may be true when it comes to combination of talent, work ethic, perseverance and discipline.

But they are not the exception to the rule when it comes to what we an sports parents and coaches can aspire to for our kids.

These are great examples of well rounded families who have raised terrific kids and used sports as a platform of bringing joy and meaning to lots of people.

We are all able to aspire to this goal. We can all use sports to raise the bar and kids who make contributions to their communities. They don’t need to be all-stars on the field, just in the community.

Perhaps sometimes we just need to be reminded of some positive examples of those who have come before us.