The Moment The Youth Sport Experience Ends.
Smiles over sadness will hopefully be the outcome when our kids stop competing. 7 lessons from a parents' perspective.
Welcome to edition 191 of The Physical Movement.
Before we jump into this week’s edition, wanted to give a shout out for the great responses to last week’s on the 6 influential athletes. That edition was particularly interesting because of course, there are way more than 6 from our history. This week I watched the new Netflix documentary on Bill Russell and I would suggest we had another. What a great documentary reviewing the outstanding nature of his athletic accomplishments (11 time NBA Champion) but also his civil rights activist work and the general demeanor at the time. As a white person it is very difficult for us to understand what folks of color have had to endure historically. This is one perspective that is unforgettable during a very eventful time in sports and race relation history. Do yourself a favor and watch this with your family.
This week, we explore the impact of realizing our kids time in youth sport has come or nearing the end.
As parents we can get caught up in the busyness of it all. When they are young, we get them to practice, and games. As they get older, it evolves to more with tournaments, tryouts, more practices and games and longer seasons. Some seasons move into others, especially if they play multiple sports and there seems to be little down time. Drop offs, pick ups, time at the rink, court, field and in the car.
This is the work behind the scenes in supporting your kids through the experience. It seems like it goes on forever, until it stops.
Any athlete at any level faces the day when the playtime stops. It becomes of question of when. Some kids, unfortunately, try and don’t like from the get go, others play for 3-5 years, some longer through to late teens at college and very few beyond that.
As our kids get through high school, we start to notice something different don’t we? They don’t need or necessarily want us around as much. Driver’s licences are earned as early at 16 in this neck of the woods (too early IMO!) and kids find their way to the games and practices on their own. Mom and Dad go from being keys to attending the events, to being strictly sideline supporters. Sometimes very quickly.
When this happens, it’s hard not to feel a sense of grief, our young ones are moving on. While some parents feel a sense of relief, others feel a sense of loss by the change. That sense of loss then often gives way to a sense reflection on the value of it all. At least it has for me.
Reflection on the years of youth sport, the experiences, the challenges and the smiles, the fun times and the challenging ones.
As a parent of a college athlete, I find myself going through the sense of perspective and think back to all the experiences we had in youth sport over the last 14 or so years.
Some of the experiences were very tough, I am not going to lie.
We had some inconsiderate coaches, callous parents, administrators with low skillsets and some tough situations. We also had some great times, lots of smiles and great stories, some pretty good wins to offset the tough losses. Some great friendships and memories, memorable trips and experiences that brought a lot of lessons.
Here are 7 lessons from a parents’ perspective:
· Adapting to new situations. Before he started to focus on baseball at 16, our son had the opportunity to try tennis, golf, fencing, swimming, volleyball, basketball, downhill and cross country skiing, soccer and hockey as a young person. His baseball experience took him from softball in first years, to house league to travel and elite ball. Each experience was not always positive, but by the time he was off to college, tryouts, new teammates, coaches and situations did not phase him. That bodes well for later in life.
· Having fun moved the needle. By trying so many things, our son got a feel of what he liked and did not. He kept going with those activities he liked and could manage and let go the ones he did not. There was never any pressure to play anything, just find something you like to do and (for health reasons) fit physical activity into your life.
· Appreciation of physical activity. At the end of the day, the competition in youth sport sports at some point, but the play time can last a life time. Jamie never played higher than house league hockey, but when roommates wanted to play some shinny during the winter, he was able to fit right in. He had the equipment, and the skills to play. We can say the same for the many other sports he tried and enjoyed. That make his mom and I smile. That ski trip or golf outing or swim at the lake will not be so foreign or intimidating as it might if had never tried these activities.
· Learning to speak up. With trying so many things, it became important that he speak up to give feedback on the experience to either coaches when things were not clear, to us as parents on participation yes/no, or even teammates when trying to figure out best path within competition.
· Dealing with situations that don’t go your way. Any activity at any level will bring bumps in the road, and adjustments will be required. Handling those situations becomes an important skill to transfer to multiple life situations.
· Working with others. While some of the sports tried were individual, many were team sports. Both require finding strategies of working with others, considering other agendas than our own and working towards a common goal either with teammates, coaches or both.
· Striving to get better. As our son developed a strong interest in baseball, the desire to do the things he needed to get better started to kick in. He liked doing well in competition, and started to understand that practice and preparing the body was required for that to happen. Again a skill that makes a parent smile as he starts his adult years.
In many ways, we as parents view the end of the youth sport as a sad time, a realization that the joy of play is coming to an end.
In fact, while many experiences we recall fondly will not happen again, the experiences and lessons become the measuring stick for countless hours spent shuttling kids around and accommodating it all.
As parents, we look for opportunities for our kids to learn and grow. I can’t think of too many pursuits that can outdo all that comes with the youth sport experience, as long as know how to navigate it and keep all of it in the perspective.
As I look back, it makes me smile. How about you?